Oct. 24th, 2002

On an email list I frequent, someone left the list a few weeks ago to concentrate on her new life and relationship, which was cool (although, being me, I didn't really see why it was such a binary - but it was for her). She had left what she described as an abusive marriage just a few months before and the new relationship happened really fast. And there were some indications that this wasn't an easy choice either - an anorexic partner with one suicide attempt under their belt in the last weeks before she left the list already.

So word trickles back to the list via someone who knows her in person that she's now having a rough time because her new partner is drinking a lot and doing things like trashing her apartment.

And people on the list offered their condolences. Well, I think that's nice and very human and understandable and hence I am posting my frustration here and not to the list and not to my more-trafficked journal. But for me I must say that condolences are what one offers to someone who is in a difficult situation not of their making, like someone died, or cancer struck, or illness, or layoffs, or something similar.

I know I should be more tolerant. I'm working on it. But boy you'll find me offering my hope that things work out (i.e. she gets a clue and leaves and *gasp* maybe lives on her own for a year) and my belief in her capacities but you won't find me offering condolences.




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