Jan. 12th, 2004

Wow

Jan. 12th, 2004 11:45 am
I have not posted here in a long time. Maybe it's time for an update!

The pregnancy is going well. We had a few concerns, especially about the size of the baby last month, but nothing that's resulted in anything more than a few nights of worry. We believe she's a she still, so she is a very active fetus in there, and getting good at kicking mum in the guts.

Writing sentences about myself as mum is mind blowing.

The system has united around this as never before, which is really empowering. Lynn doesn't like it much, but the goodwill that we've built up between us over the last years has gone a long way. I have even caught her playing music to help the fetus's taste develop, which as Lynn goes is an - incredibly normal decent thing to be doing. This shouldn't surprise me, but sometimes it still does.

Lyria is in her element, when the rest of us stop freaking out and get out of her way, and she has to take the credit for all the very nutritious meals and really forcing us to slow down enough not to make problems. Because she's around so much she and Carl have worked out a lot of things that might've taken longer if she weren't.

Teresa and JJ and a lot of our system kids are all happy and making plans. Well that's a little simplistic, but there's a lot of good feelings too.

All of these things have kind of brought back some of the creative juice that has been missing this last year, and in a way that makes me feel really happy - more in touch with who we can be, and what we really want to do with our life.

On the down side, I'm having some of the worst adjustment problems. A lot of my friends seem to be not only not into kids, which was a predictable problem, but really reluctant to want to share my life as a pregnant person (for some friends, this means I now can't share about being multiple -or- being a parent, which leaves me work, which is ending, and politics and art and culture). And I know what that's like from the other end of it - it is hard to understand how biologically consuming it can be - but I still feel a little hurt and abandoned, which are not happy emotions for me. I guess it's a lot about being in transition.

And like any transition it has displayed a few areas where my values or desires are not in line with the current reality, but I feel like I need to wait to address that until after the babe is actually born and we have settled into our Keen New Life. Whatever that is.

It is definitely a lesson in going with the flow. :)

Shandra

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shandra

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